Kayla,
You turned 5 today my baby girl. I can hardly believe it. I can remember so distinctly the day you were born, the smells, the sounds, the feelings. I remember hearing your first cry. I remember the first time I saw your face and loving you more than I loved anything else in the world, or ever will. It feels like it happened two seconds ago, yet it feels like you have been the center of my world forever. My life before you, baby girl, was nothing. I thought I saw the world in color. I thought I knew love. But then you arrived and I discovered color. I knew love. You opened the world to me. You changed my perspective. And now, love, 5 years together.
Look how far we have come. We have traveled from those first alone months when I knew nothing of myself, of how to be a mother, of crying and missing and adapting to the here and now- strong, confident in ourselves, smart, thriving. We have made it baby girl. You taught me all I needed along the way. You have inspired me to be the best I can be in all areas of my life, but most especially as a mother. I have done the best I could with what I have been given. Always know that. More important than material possessions, I have tried to give you a sense of self. I tried to show you and promote in you independence. I tried to make sure you knew you deserve nothing but the best. Do not settle. Ask questions. Love freely. Think wisely. Be kind. Read. Smile. Laugh. These are the seeds I planted over these 5 years.
I have given all of that to you, but oh what you have given to me. Its beyond words. You gave me the will to survive in my darkest days. You gave me courage. You gave me your smile. Your eyes. You have given me a sense of purpose. You are the reason for me. I have no doubt of that fact. We were pre-destined to be a team. I am so grateful to whoever chose you for me. I love being your mom. I love the funny, brilliant things you say. I love your face, so like my own. I love your curiousity and your thirst for knowledge. I love how much you love your family and friends. I love that you are so adaptable and already so strong.
In 5 years we have gone from 3 pounds, so tiny but resilient in the NICU, me yearning so hard to have you home, crying to the bottom of myself when we had to leave you to now, 32 pounds, healthy, absolutely filled with personality and light and me, doing this fantastic juggling act with you everyday, coping, surviving. We're making it, and I love every step of our journey.
More than where we came from, I look forward to where we are going. These first 5 years have been magical. You have brought me new levels of joy every day. I so look forward to the next 5 and all of those after. Thank you for being you, Kayla MacKenzie. And thank you for making me better and for letting me be your mom.
Love Always,
Mommy
