Thursday, March 26, 2009

And no one talked to me...

So today was day two of Kayla's swimming lessons at the Mystic Education Center. The first week I had a friend from work to sit and talk with. This week, she went in the water with her son. As I scrambled in 5 minutes late, hurried Kayla into the water and took a seat in the bleachers, I realized I was on one side of the great divide, and these other mothers fell squarely on the other. Now, we all have children younger than 10, some older than Kayla, some younger by a few months, most right about her age. This, my friends, is where the similarities end. These women all were over 30, most closer to 40. Most carried that haughty tooty "Mystic housewife" air about them. You know, they all talked about their perfect, well behaved children and their husbands, and laughed those conspiratorial laughs of perfection as they waved around their beautiful, big diamonds and expensive braclets and such. They wore the "Mom uniform"- trouser jeans or authentic Aidas track pants, button downs, unstained long sleeved tee shirts and SHUDDER clogs. Sorry, mommies, my jeans are bootcut only- with stretch. I happened to be wearing a black and gray leopard print tee shirt, certainly not a button down. I rocked my Reeboks...and last week I rocked my heart print Airwalks. My finger is indeed void of ring of any form, most especially a diamond. Their hair was groomed and makeup impeccable...even in the heat of the pool...my hair was up, thrown into some form of a bun/ ponytail combo. Last night's glitter eye makeup is still sparkling in bits and pieces on my face, not to be outshined by the giant bags under my eyes from being up too late. And there were certainly no tattoos in sight...yet you could see part of my Kayla tattoo plain as day, and Kayla was sporting a Sleeping Beauty fake tattoo on her forearm. Now what is my point? I love who I am. I love who I am as a person, 27 years old, independent, chaotic, neurotic, obsessive, fun, full of love and life and sometimes yes a bit crazy. I love what I am as a mother, the steady presence, the one to go the extra mile and stick my neck out and take on what needs to be taken on to for Kayla, her protector, her biggest fan, but also fun and the mother who just wants to give her everything, whether its always within my means or not. Me having tattoos, or not wearing Mom jeans or rocking a big diamond, does not make me any less of a mother, any less of a woman than the women I encountered tonight are. I know lots of moms like me, in their 20's, single, tattooed, dressed stylishly, and this holds true for them too. They are good moms, hardworking moms, moms that would do anything for their kids. Yet the fact remains that not one mother spoke to me. And they looked pitingly at Kayla in the locker room as she cried because she didn't want to go home, like poor baby and her trashy single mom. Well guess what, she has a mother who is just as good as you are, maybe not as old, but just as good. Why did I let these women get to me? I felt self concious, even though I felt no need to offer apologies for who I or Kayla are. We are ourselves, beautiful, whole, imperfect, and you can take us or leave us. I just hate feeling, in the year 2009, when there are more single mothers in this country than ever, that we are a rare, unfortunate and inconvinent breed. I have very few places I have felt out of place, but this was one of them, because in their silence, it was unspoken that I threw off their secure, married, middle aged ratio. Well, let me tell you...half of all marriages end in divorce so at some point, one of those women will be a single mom. They just won't be as young or stylish attired to find themselves a man as I am...I jest, I jest, but I am serious about feeling outcast. I hate the Mommy competition. Old, young, inked, non-tattooed, polished or unkempt, we should all just come together and realize that as women, as mothers, we need to build ourselves up and not tear each other down. If we want our children to be accepting of everyone, to love themselves, how can we show them exactly the opposite? I don't have tolerance for the cattiness, the judgements of women. I want Kayla, as a woman, to be accepting, to love herself free from and in spite of the judgements of others, and to not succumb to the pressures women place on each other. These women proved to me tonight I have a lot of work to do as the mother of a girl in order to break the cycle. Quite a bit.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

You know what's beautiful...

Today, Kayla and I were driving on a road that parallels the Thames River. She stopped whatever she had been saying, because in truth I was only half listening, and said, "Mommy, you know what's beautiful?" I said, "You are!" and then she said, with such seriousness and thoughtfulness you would have assumed she was much older, "No Mommy, the water is beautiful. I love living at the water." And there you have it, the simplicity of the world through a three year old eyes. And the more amazing piece of this is that I feel precisely the same way, always have. Growing up in a coastal town where you can taste the salt coming off the water if the wind happens to blow right, its always been such a blessing to me. Water is a great source of comfort and peace to me, instilled in me since my earliest days. And apparently, instilled in Kayla too. I am so glad that wordlessly, effortlessly, my love of the water, my appreciation for it, its beauty, all that is, has been passed onto her. I am so grateful to be raising my child in the town I grew up in, so close to all the things that have defined my life, my memories. We drove to Bluff Point today, and just sat and looked and talked. I can't wait for the better weather, and her on her bike, taking the trails. I want her to know the places that have meant something to me, for us to share the universal experience of this place. It may be a miserable town at times, but its our town! The roots of our family run deep here, and I am so thankful she will always know that. And even more thankful she is recognizing that as she gets older.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

25 things about me...

Taking a cue from Erin's posting on her blog, I am also submitting a list of 25 things about me. Enjoy!

1. I am deathly afraid of squirrels and lightning. More specifically, being attacked by a squirrel or getting struck by lightning.

2. I collect shot glasses. I have a lot from different colleges my friends have attended, states, places. They're lined up on a shelf above my kitchen sink.

3. I have a mild bordering on moderate obsession with the color pink. Any and all shades.

4. My new favorite color to wear is green. Like classic, Crayola green. One of the women at work calls it my signature color.

5. I want to dye my hair this really pretty, shiny burgundy color.

6. I have loved Gone With the Wind and Grease for more years than I can remember.

7. I would have loved to have met Janis Joplin, more specifically go see her in concert. I love her music.

8. I am coveting high priced Britney Spears and Keith Urban/Sugarland tickets. All over $100. I can't justify that kind of money for one night, even though I would give my eye teeth (where does that expression come from, anyway?) to see Sugarland or Britney.

9. I have a major chocolate obsession. Peaked during pregnancy and still trying to wean myself down to a reasonable amount.

10. I watch Hannah Montana even when my daughter is sleeping or not home sometimes.

11. I watched Finding Nemo obsessively when I was pregnant. I would daydream about watching it with my own daughter and yesterday, I did.

12. I have a brilliant and marketable idea for a magazine, but am not sure the first step to getting it published.

13. I can't watch a movie based on a book without reading the book first.

14. I have never left my daughter with someone other than family, her daycare or a close friend to babysit her. I wouldn't even know what to pay a babysitter. The thought panics me.

15. I had a dream about the new VW Bugs that came out, the green one, about a year before they introduced them. I have preminitions and deja vu frequently.

16. I know maybe three state capitols and lack a knowledge of geography almost completely.

17. I was named after an Allman Brothers song, Melissa.

18. I was a teenager when my grandfather took our childhood playhouse out of his yard, and I cried like a baby and threw a fit.

19. I love Boston. Everything about it. I would live there in a second if it wasn't so expensive, and I didn't have Kayla to raise.

20. My sister, my nephew, my daughter and I all have the exact same blue eyes.

21. I can't say the word industry.

22. When I want to feel close to my mom, I eat Yodels.

23. I work with children. All day. Every day. Its never boring.

24. I wish I could hit the lotto and take a year off to write my book. Books.

25. Being a mother is the only thing that makes me feel alive sometimes.